Brown Eyed Girls

There are some days where I look at my children, and wonder what will become of their life.  After that, I think of ways to help prepare them for situations, that they should be able to control.  For instance, I remember getting in trouble in school because I was offended and arguing with kids about "your momma" jokes.  At that time, I was probably in the first grade, but I remember arguing my case to my mom, on how the kids were talking about her.  What she said, is something that changed my life; which was, "Nicole, they don't know me".  Instantly I understood, and had nothing else to say.  Lessons such as those, are currently work in progress within our household...and will be for a while.

In fact, isn't it amazing how some people have no idea of who you are, and yet want to pass judgement on your beliefs, way of life, or moral character.  It's because of that, I look at my children, and wonder about all the things I love about them, and how innocent they are in a world of uncertainty.  It's hard to tell children that not everyone will like you, but at the same time it's needed.  My goal is for them to understand that being yourself is more important than pleasing others, and it begins with loving who you are.  In my opinion, learning how to love yourself, begins a course of respect you will carry out to everyone else.  Unfortunately, some will confuse love with ego.  However, the ego is self satisfying, while love is an affection that connects us to one another.

Along with identity, I want to help give them awesome childhood memories.  As a child, I use to love the summers, because we use to spend them with friends and family, play street games, and fully enjoy the outdoors.  It seemed like the adults were nonexistent at times, even though we know they were watching from kitchen windows.  It felt good to be a child.  I understand that certain circumstances can change that, but my goals is to let my kids be kids, and help them create memories.  Hopefully, they will remember walks along trails, camping in the living room, and beach bum fun.  If not, I have plenty of photos :)

To look at their faces, makes me appreciate their world and reminds me of how everything is an adventure.  In that moment when I look at them, I see the little cherub faces that lovingly looked at me during bottle feeding, with large unquestioning eyes.  The same eyes that stare through tears, dirt, food, rear view mirrors, and funny faces.  I understand that I cannot control their future, as it would only stem into a myriad of foreseeable trouble.  However, I can supply them with the knowledge and tools to help combat a bad day.  

In those moments, when I look into their eyes I imagine myself as a fairy that casts a spell on their life to protect them against hardships and any negativity...and realize that's not any sort of life I would want for myself.  I realize that I've grown to be who I am from things I deemed as not good, and somehow turned them positive reinforcements.

I have no idea who my children will become or what they will do, but I do know for sure that I will always love them, and will always love seeing the stages of their life in their eyes.