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I Remember...



Sitting at a table near the cook, who was transforming noodles, vegetables, spices and meat into masterpieces of meals, with amazing simplicity.  Who we always assumed was his wife, shaped rice with a dish and prepared the meals, while a younger female refilled cups of tea from a water cooler, in which I always poured copiously with liquid sugar.  The best restaurant in the world, where you ate, and then left to make room for the patrons waiting outside.  The only place in the world, that served the best yakisoba....that still has me salivating 7 years later.  The only place that I have been to, where they were constantly packed, but remembered their customers.

Driving in early humid mornings, and laughing at twitching sea crab legs sprawled out on the highway.  Driving along side the water which was so blue, and smelled of sea life.  A world consisting of perfect sunrises and sunsets, atop a place of tranquility and peace.  Combining the feel of the cool air conditioner, with the sweltering heat from open windows...balancing a custom made temperature, following beach outings.

The beaches that had the best snorkeling, and where low tide stretched out to what seemed a mile.  The beaches that were an extension of home, and welcoming despite any time of day or night.  They were another friend, extra shoulder, and kept secrets.

Wouldn't it be nice to relive memories in dreams.  I wouldn't mind a full day, within my 8 hrs of sleep.  It would actually be motivation, to go to bed at a decent hour.  Is life not enough to want to relive memories?  Life is enough in itself.  Everyday we are living, unless we are in a situation where we in survival mode.  However, even in survival mode, there has to be something to motivate you past that.  A memory or dream, are all enhancements on life, unless you are stuck on loop of bad times/memories.

My memories come and go, and can be triggered with either senses.  For the first time this past Sunday, I visualized my favorite restaurant while smelling my soup simmering in the slow cooker.  In the corner of my eye I seen the old man cooking shirtless as he always did, and wondered if their restaurant was still there.  Monthly, I relive memories dancing with my little cousin, the summer I spent with him before he passed.  I made him dance with me to all the stereo settings, while listening to Bob Marley's "No Woman No Cry".  As briefly as the memories come and go, I wish I could be fully immersed, but appreciate their visitation. 

Tragically, events can rupture your memory to where you mind cannot work fast enough to block it out.  Like an untreated wound, it can become infected, and target other cells...sectors of the mind.  How can you repair parts of a broken mind?  Is there a binding element that can stop self destruction?  I cannot fathom an attempt of an explanation.  However, when I'm in a situation where I have no control, or anything positive to fall on, I cry.  I remember times in my life where I was reduced to tears, and I lived through those moments, to cry on to the next tribulation.  

Needless to say, that the most pivotal crying moment happened in front of people.  As I was in a travel office in Hawaii, booking tickets on a lone flight absent of the children I had to leave behind, I wilted.  Standing at the counter, tears flowed without queue and hesitation.  As fast as I tried to wipe, the more they fell.  Embarrassed at the slight breakdown, I turned to get a better hold of myself, which had no effect.  Losing conscious of the full room, I had an uncontrollable break down, and full on ugly cry.  Expressionless, a lady behind the counter slid a box of tissue in front of me, which seemed to pull me out of the despair that I had publically fallen in. 

That moment which was in dark times, only reinforces how precious time is when I spend it with my little ones.  Everyday as I look at them grow into bean sprouts, I remember their cherub faces they had as babies, and adorable curly hair.  As I create new memories, I'll always  remember all the moments that led me to here...to happiness.  I hope to forever keep my memories, and if by chance I don't my, I'll make sure my backups stay somewhat up to date.  


::Inspiration::  "Breathe Me" Sia



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