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Unopened Doors

Collectively, the theme of the week seems to be about letting go of the past.  It seems easy to do, but when the doors become opened, the past becomes the present.  Memories that were once buried into a time safe, become unearthed into a shattering new world...that is robust with life.  Memories that I wasn't aware of their emotional character and physical clout.

Last night as we exhaustingly drove through a familiar town to our final destination, I was submerged into a whirlwind of laughter, pain, music, duty, food, and a semblance of love.  The past was living parallel to the present; in which my current self was examining who I was, and the striking difference could not be sanely evaluated.  Were you really happy?  Was life really fun?  Undoubtedly, you were deeply in love.

What would the younger self say to me now?  "If I knew I would be washed out at 30, I probably should have stayed in..."  Yes, she would be very disappointed.  Not only have I become paranoid, but I seem to excel very well at doing nothing.  My witty nature is slightly subdued, because my conscious is more prevalent.  Also, I seemed to have lost my sense of self ever since MTV ended their, "Who Wants to be a VJ?"

So, I guess the question is, how can I preserve the past without interruption of the present?  Acknowledging what was, and allowing here now.  I suppose there isn't anything wrong with temporarily reminiscing about the past, and then locking it back up.  Thankfully, it reminded me of who I was, and that I can definitely loosen up a little bit, have more fun, allow more people in...and just breathe.

Perhaps there was a part of me left here, and the turns of time allowed me to come back and pick it up.  


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