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Mistaken Identity

One day at work, a customer I never met before looks at me and asks if I could sing; in which I responded with no.  She then gave me a disappointed look, that was also slightly sour.  Apparently, that wasn't the first time, I have disappointed strangers with my dull life, but it was the first time a look penetrated my outer surface.  At the time, I felt that I should have apologized for not being what she though I was or should be.  In fact, why is it that others seem to think I am not doing what I should be?

The other day I was reading my diary.  It is of 12 years old, and I began writing in it during the summer before my senior year of high school.  Continuously, I write for years about how I'm not really doing what I would like to be doing.  Flash forward...same thing.  Constantly, I live in the land of ideas and wishful thinking in my head.  However, the reality of it all is that I'm scared to step out of my comfort zone of a robotic life, and actually do what I think.  What if I fail?  What if it doesn't sell?  What if too many "what if" variables kept nagging me...ugh too late!

For example, the idea of my own blog began in 2008.  Finally this year (2011) I decided to actually make it happen.  What I enjoy the most is displaying my point of views, and writing when and whatever I want to write about.  Also, I don't have many people to talk to, and I need to give my sister's ears a break.  Either way, I enjoy writing.  Even during break ups, I prefer to write just so that I can eloquently display  my feelings.

Along with my resurfaced feelings are awesome quotes displayed everywhere, given by Steve Jobs, who recently passed.  The quote that I keep seeing, and that resonates with me is, "Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life."  I may not be living someone else's life, but I know that I have to find a way to fully fulfill mine.  I don't know what it is, but it could be something small like publishing a book, or fun like designing jewelry, or clothes.

All I know is that life is calling again, and I believe wholeheartedly that each of us have a specific purpose.  So, maybe those strangers were only pointing out something that I continually ignore (I was quite pleasant, if you're thinking it's demeanor driven).  After all, I suppose the disappointment I really felt was their candid honesty, in how I really feel.  Subsequently, I'm pretty sure I'm feeling this way due to my birthday and the big 3 0.  With each birthday, I subconsciously go through a flash back of the year.  The process is emotional, stressful, and depressing.  However, I realize that it's just me shedding skin.  Out with the old, and in with the new.  I see the paths that have again made their way visible, and it's only a matter of time as to which one I will take.

Comments

  1. jeremiahharmonOctober 12, 2011 at 11:32 PM

    Funny, I feel like I'm at the same point in my life. Must be something to do with being 30, even though I just turned 31. You're probably overthinking it but I'd say that's okay since you have 2 little ones to think about. You're awfully vague, though. What do you want to do?

    ReplyDelete
  2. Cheeky ChattyOctober 13, 2011 at 2:28 PM

    I know, because there are so many things I want to do, but don't know how to narrow it down...

    ReplyDelete

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