Cheeky Chatty

Entering Walmart, a young man greeted me and my family with a cart.  I did not see a badge, but thanked him and began our shopping.  Thinking of dinner items for the week, late night snacks, and toiletries, we wondered throughout the store to our usual aisles.  Finally, after enough hunger pains, and homework to do, we left the store an hour later. Leaving out the same door we came through, we were approached by a young lady selling candy from a bag.  I informed her that I didn't carry cash, and apologized.  However, while walking to the car, all I could think about was what were they using the money for, how old were they, and what's going on?  Either way, they seemed to be in need of help.  After the car was packed, and children were strapped in, we drove off.  While I was driving, I was calculating our expenses, and other ways our funds were going to be spent.  Before long, I found myself heading to the ATM.   Are they working...

So, here I am attempting another act...in the nude.  Sometimes I'd like to think certain things do not have such an effect on me, but that's just my delusional thinking.  However, late at night when I'm sitting on my couch deep in thought, accompanied by the TV, Internet, and sounds of the neighbors and of the night, my walls crumble down.  Fear, anxiety, and a surge of excitement cluster my brain cells.  My strategies that I once revelled in dissipates, and I am left with doubt, and find myself standing on a path that has split itself.  Either path is evenly filled with sacrifices, tenacity and compromises. While standing at the crossroads, all I am reminded of is 18 long months of fighting for common ground.  Yet, all of it has manifested into this moment, for the better.  Along with the worries, there are comforts.  Along with  fear, there is a sense of rebirth...and constant sanity check.  Unfortunately, through all the fighti...

There was  as sort of feeling that arose from today, and it could have been that spring has finally sprung and the cold weather will stay away. But whatever it was, for ever it may be, I felt an ease that will last what futuristically felt eternally. Sometimes I lie dormant, calm...happy, and then comes a jubilant moment where life seems clear, and I understand why things must be. In this panoramic view I can see you, me, we, and the intrinsic design of Aum...respectively. *Today is far from spring, but the emotion resurfaced nonetheless. 

On Christmas morning a single mother by the name of   Donna Fountain , was killed in a hit and run.  In her pocket, was found a handwritten list of dreams...that she carried everywhere, and everyday.  The story is heartbreaking, and makes you realize how each day is a gift.  After reading the story, I  began to analyze my decisions, my life, and everything leading up to now.  If I died tomorrow, what would I want my children to know?  What would I want my last words to be?  Silly enough, I came up with the poem below. Monarch Latching on to the first breath of life, to begin feeding off the milkweed, To what seemed forever, in a robotic state of mind spanning 18 years. Hidden within a chrysalis, anticipating rebirth and uncertain of transformation, I lain dormant until the walls chipped off by time and forces of nature. Climbing to new heights, and floating through the winds, Omnidirectional to decisions, but gravitating towards persona...

Have you ever attempted to look at your thoughts from the outside in?  Staring gazed, bewildered, confused, and thought, "Where the hell have I been?" Perhaps these thoughts are just an exaggeration of what would come; over stimulating my mind, and turning possibilities into realities are all welcomed. Just perhaps they're tales to cover up what's true.  What I refuse to see and accept that somethings will never be, and I'll just have to make do. Sometimes, I just like to escape into the delusional me, and for a brief moment in time...just let my mind wonder free. 

70 years ago, President Roosevelt delivered his " Day of Infamy " speech, following the attack of Pearl Harbor.  70 years today, you can still visually see the sunken USS Arizona, with the same oil floating in the water, still capturing the bodies of some sailors. About 8 hours west of the Pearl Harbor monument, you will find the Chiran Peace Museum for Kamikaze Pilots,  in Japan, and in between you can see the destruction of war.   66 years later you can still see the effects of the atom bombs dropped over Nagasaki and Hiroshima, where about 200,000 people died as a the result of the attack. Prior to the atom bombs, about 200,000 people were killed in the Battle of Okinawa , and about 20,000 died in the Battle of Guam . Caught in the middle, and always in between are people that have no voice in neither decisions, nor the outcome.  Just like civilians caught in between war and civil battles; daily,  weekly,  or monthly,  you will find children.....

Have you ever crashed from a high?  The high doesn't necessarily have to be drugs, but it could be the completion of an important project barely missing the deadline.  It can be a fireman rescuing a family, or finishing your first marathon.  Whatever it was that exhilarated you, can also come to a screeching halt...like love.  Sometimes, I get certain songs stuck in my head for a day or even a week.  Whenever the song begins to fizzle out, its purpose becomes known.  Apparently,  Rihanna's We Found Love , has been the pick of the week. I was at full capacity of love for about a month or so, and it felt like a year. Everyday was a blast. Everyday was filled with music. Everyday was filled with food, friends, and lifelong memories. Everyday, I was drunk. There were some sober days, but not so much.  During that time, I was careless, carefree, and happy.  It was definitely toxic love, and I took longer to get over it, than the...