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Mental Block

Solitude and lonlieness are two separate things.  Solitdude means that you have found purpose in your alone time (exempting those in confinement).  Lonlieness is mental anxiety.  Being alone with yourself...fears and all.  Being alone forces you to take a look at your life from the outside in, and the affect is greater if you are beyond your elements. 

Here I am, nearing the age of 31, always looking for adventure, and yet have no patience for when and where.  Spontaneous decisions that most people take years to plan, but I think of in one month and hastly execute 2 or 3 months later.  Chasing sunsets across cities, ridges and valleys.  Sleeping in a vehicle with no room to put the seat down, and have swollen feet that can't fit inside shoes.  No place to officially call home, and once I do....there isn't anywhere to put my belongings, because I discarded and left everything else as if the state of Maryland was under attack.       

As usual, my saving grace is how I'm able to disassociate myself from the situation, and notice the large green trees that cover the land, and the vast water ways that somehow connect to one another, and the magnificent sight of eagles that I'm constantly amazed with (so far it's just been one sighting).  Everyday is definitely a new day, and each moment is anticipated for the next.  It's been two weeks since I came to sasquatch land, and I'm already thinking of my next destination. 

Now that I have finally graduated to acknowledge my solitude, I don't have to spaz out about being alone, and can make conscious decisions.  Just this morning, before I took a shower, I noticed the slight mustache above my upper lip.  I searched for razors, but was unable to find them.  Then my mind decided to visually remind me of how I threw the last unused razors away.  It was too late to go to a store, so I had no choice but to tweeze!!!  It's a conscious decision because I hadn't noticed my mustache days before, maybe I was to blah to notice or care.  Never again I can assure you!

So, let's reiterate.  I live in a beautiful place with no furniture, cable or internet, and I'm finally at peace.  I'm finally studying the language I want, and the certification I need with no easy distractions.  Also, I sleep more, and have been promptly at work every day with the mind frame to..........hurry up with my certification.  My kids have yet to get here, but I may have plenty of time until then.  I'm finally taking it one day at a time.

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