Skip to main content

Unopened Doors

Collectively, the theme of the week seems to be about letting go of the past.  It seems easy to do, but when the doors become opened, the past becomes the present.  Memories that were once buried into a time safe, become unearthed into a shattering new world...that is robust with life.  Memories that I wasn't aware of their emotional character and physical clout.

Last night as we exhaustingly drove through a familiar town to our final destination, I was submerged into a whirlwind of laughter, pain, music, duty, food, and a semblance of love.  The past was living parallel to the present; in which my current self was examining who I was, and the striking difference could not be sanely evaluated.  Were you really happy?  Was life really fun?  Undoubtedly, you were deeply in love.

What would the younger self say to me now?  "If I knew I would be washed out at 30, I probably should have stayed in..."  Yes, she would be very disappointed.  Not only have I become paranoid, but I seem to excel very well at doing nothing.  My witty nature is slightly subdued, because my conscious is more prevalent.  Also, I seemed to have lost my sense of self ever since MTV ended their, "Who Wants to be a VJ?"

So, I guess the question is, how can I preserve the past without interruption of the present?  Acknowledging what was, and allowing here now.  I suppose there isn't anything wrong with temporarily reminiscing about the past, and then locking it back up.  Thankfully, it reminded me of who I was, and that I can definitely loosen up a little bit, have more fun, allow more people in...and just breathe.

Perhaps there was a part of me left here, and the turns of time allowed me to come back and pick it up.  


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Brown Eyed Girls

There are some days where I look at my children, and wonder what will become of their life.  After that, I think of ways to help prepare them for situations, that they should be able to control.  For instance, I remember getting in trouble in school because I was offended and arguing with kids about "your momma" jokes.  At that time, I was probably in the first grade, but I remember arguing my case to my mom, on how the kids were talking about her.  What she said, is something that changed my life; which was, "Nicole, they don't know me".  Instantly I understood, and had nothing else to say.  Lessons such as those, are currently work in progress within our household...and will be for a while. In fact, isn't it amazing how some people have no idea of who you are, and yet want to pass judgement on your beliefs, way of life, or moral character.  It's because of that, I look at my children, and wonder about all the things I love about them, and...
Post a Comment
Read more

Hoopla Over Real Life Situations

America at times reminds me of a bipolar teenager.  Current idiocy is the bickering over a video, from which an incident occurred, causing a bad reaction, by a remorseful person.  When I first heard Rihanna's "Man Down", I couldn't help but "listen" to the lyrics, and notice how powerful the song is.  In fact, I was interested to see how the video would be made, to convey the words to the song.  When I finally watched it, I though it was a great video that detailed the day of a bright haired young lady in Jamaica, and the life changing events that follow. The video wasn't masochistic, or showcasing a good life induced with drugs and alcohol, or bragging about riches soon to be depleted.  No, this video was about a reaction to an assault.  Of all the things going on in our nation, this is what some parents chose to choose a fight with...not to mention it's on an entertainment channel, on a cable network.  The same people who probably frown upon a...
Post a Comment
Read more

Ewww, that's just gross!

Every morning on my way to work, I pass by a dog park.  Within the area itself, everyone is very active with running, walking, and chatting with other dog owners as their pups played...just their way of beginning their day.  Flash forward to three/four hours later, and the dog park is transformed to a kiddie playground.  Not big kids, but babies and toddlers.  Am I the only one grossed out about this? Just this weekend, I wanted to rant as to why I should not have to pick up doggie poo (I do not own a dog for this very reason), and here in front of me are two worlds colliding.  I wonder if the stay at homes moms, nannies and au pairs know of the transformation.  Is that even sanitary?  I'd like to see the area's hand foot and mouth disease statistics, I hope they aren't staggering.  Is the community as a whole okay with this?  Why not build a playground area for the kids?  Of course I'm disturbed, because I know that not all of the own...
Post a Comment
Read more