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All Fought Out

So, here I am attempting another act...in the nude.  Sometimes I'd like to think certain things do not have such an effect on me, but that's just my delusional thinking.  However, late at night when I'm sitting on my couch deep in thought, accompanied by the TV, Internet, and sounds of the neighbors and of the night, my walls crumble down.  Fear, anxiety, and a surge of excitement cluster my brain cells.  My strategies that I once revelled in dissipates, and I am left with doubt, and find myself standing on a path that has split itself.  Either path is evenly filled with sacrifices, tenacity and compromises.

While standing at the crossroads, all I am reminded of is 18 long months of fighting for common ground.  Yet, all of it has manifested into this moment, for the better.  Along with the worries, there are comforts.  Along with  fear, there is a sense of rebirth...and constant sanity check.  Unfortunately, through all the fighting I have noticed that this unsettling feeling is from judgement of others.  I suppose that when you have had every aspect of your life analyzed, and then falsely characterized...it has definitely made me more cautious of perception from others.  However, I have realized that I cannot fit into certain molds no matter how hard I have tried.  

I find that the hardest thing about life is being yourself.  Everyone is divided through culture, ethnicity, religion, social status, and other factors.  With that being said, with all of the differences among us, we should be open to one another, and not so closed minded.  I honestly dislike one or two people in the world, but I still respect them, and remain open to what they have to say.  I'm not going to tell them how I feel, because it's something I'm working on internally to be rid of.  I try to avoid arguments at all costs, because needless to say...I'm all fought out.


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