Cheeky Chatty

On Christmas morning a single mother by the name of   Donna Fountain , was killed in a hit and run.  In her pocket, was found a handwritten list of dreams...that she carried everywhere, and everyday.  The story is heartbreaking, and makes you realize how each day is a gift.  After reading the story, I  began to analyze my decisions, my life, and everything leading up to now.  If I died tomorrow, what would I want my children to know?  What would I want my last words to be?  Silly enough, I came up with the poem below. Monarch Latching on to the first breath of life, to begin feeding off the milkweed, To what seemed forever, in a robotic state of mind spanning 18 years. Hidden within a chrysalis, anticipating rebirth and uncertain of transformation, I lain dormant until the walls chipped off by time and forces of nature. Climbing to new heights, and floating through the winds, Omnidirectional to decisions, but gravitating towards persona...

Have you ever attempted to look at your thoughts from the outside in?  Staring gazed, bewildered, confused, and thought, "Where the hell have I been?" Perhaps these thoughts are just an exaggeration of what would come; over stimulating my mind, and turning possibilities into realities are all welcomed. Just perhaps they're tales to cover up what's true.  What I refuse to see and accept that somethings will never be, and I'll just have to make do. Sometimes, I just like to escape into the delusional me, and for a brief moment in time...just let my mind wonder free. 

70 years ago, President Roosevelt delivered his " Day of Infamy " speech, following the attack of Pearl Harbor.  70 years today, you can still visually see the sunken USS Arizona, with the same oil floating in the water, still capturing the bodies of some sailors. About 8 hours west of the Pearl Harbor monument, you will find the Chiran Peace Museum for Kamikaze Pilots,  in Japan, and in between you can see the destruction of war.   66 years later you can still see the effects of the atom bombs dropped over Nagasaki and Hiroshima, where about 200,000 people died as a the result of the attack. Prior to the atom bombs, about 200,000 people were killed in the Battle of Okinawa , and about 20,000 died in the Battle of Guam . Caught in the middle, and always in between are people that have no voice in neither decisions, nor the outcome.  Just like civilians caught in between war and civil battles; daily,  weekly,  or monthly,  you will find children.....

Have you ever crashed from a high?  The high doesn't necessarily have to be drugs, but it could be the completion of an important project barely missing the deadline.  It can be a fireman rescuing a family, or finishing your first marathon.  Whatever it was that exhilarated you, can also come to a screeching halt...like love.  Sometimes, I get certain songs stuck in my head for a day or even a week.  Whenever the song begins to fizzle out, its purpose becomes known.  Apparently,  Rihanna's We Found Love , has been the pick of the week. I was at full capacity of love for about a month or so, and it felt like a year. Everyday was a blast. Everyday was filled with music. Everyday was filled with food, friends, and lifelong memories. Everyday, I was drunk. There were some sober days, but not so much.  During that time, I was careless, carefree, and happy.  It was definitely toxic love, and I took longer to get over it, than the...

Amazingly, there is this large notion that people join the military to escape the harsh realities of life.  The fact that it is a volunteer force, makes those that apply, volunteers of the lazy life.  My information was derived from the answers from the first discussion question of my sociology class last week; which was to describe a sociologist's view of why the American military does not represent the cross sections of Americans, from an article we read from New York Times . The responses were incredible, and I soon realized that I was the only one in my class that had done any military service.  The article indicated that people from rural, inner cities, and low income families join the military, which creates an unfair volunteer force.  One reply was from someone who mentioned that people join the military because they want the benefits, and do not want to "try" working in the real world, because it's easier to have people tell you what to do (dumb b!tch)...

Trending twitter topics are always interesting.  Answers from around the globe tickle my sides, and also cause full on belly laughter.  Currently one of them are #IveAlwaysWantedTo, to which the first one I seen was from: Evil_Dumbledore: #IveAlwaysWantedTo turn around in a big chair, and say "I've been expecting you..." Absolutely hilarious!  In fact, I'm going to do it at work tomorrow :).  So, what would my answer be?  I don't know.  I've done a lot in my life, and traveled all over, and had some pretty fun times...stuff that just kind of happened unexpected.  Also, I have done a lot on my life list that I created when I was eight; however, the last thing was to be president (not so much anymore).    Along with trending topics, you get to see the overall voice of people in general; which is to be accepted for who they are, and how they are viewed.  At times I have wished I could step outside of myself to see what other people see,...

Bound by the eyes, hands, and shackled feet Lead into an arena of the unknown With a deafening beat of the heart An eerie silence Surrounded by the elements of dry heat, slight wind, and a burning sun Fear causing mental anguish A lump rising in the throat, preventing vocalization Is it better to see whats to happen? Should I turn from possible pain? Should I fight? Should I plead? Overwhelmed with fear, causing a gravitational pull Kneeling, rocking back and forth An eruption of laughter and tears, loosening what was covering the eyes Blinded by light, and focusing on the chained closed sweaty hands Opening to reveal a key Will you free yourself to face whats to come? Will you remain bound, and give up? What will your choice be? Inspiration:   Demi Lovato's Skyscraper

One day at work, a customer I never met before looks at me and asks if I could sing; in which I responded with no.  She then gave me a disappointed look, that was also slightly sour.  Apparently, that wasn't the first time, I have disappointed strangers with my dull life, but it was the first time a look penetrated my outer surface.  At the time, I felt that I should have apologized for not being what she though I was or should be.  In fact, why is it that others seem to think I am not doing what I should be? The other day I was reading my diary.  It is of 12 years old, and I began writing in it during the summer before my senior year of high school.  Continuously, I write for years about how I'm not really doing what I would like to be doing.  Flash forward...same thing.  Constantly, I live in the land of ideas and wishful thinking in my head.  However, the reality of it all is that I'm scared to step out of my comfort zone of a robotic li...

Twelve years ago I dreamed of one of my many deaths.  For the first couple of years I dismissed it.  However, when September 11 occurred, I became scared and distraught.  Later on, I began to investigate my dream, and now I see it as a work of art.  Many forms of art lie all around, but the most interesting ones can be found in a dream of death that begins with the moment of suspense, through the will power of life, and the masterpiece end of defeat. My canvas begins with myself and others lying asleep around a tan colored truck in a desert atmosphere.  I had long hair, and was dressed in a brown t-shirt and light brown camouflage pants, and suede untied boots.  Suddenly I'm running.  I'm running through the desert, houses, backyards, clothes-lines, climbing fences, and continue to run through more desert.  Before long, I was at an empty tavern.  It was cool and clean, and everything made of mud-brick.  I go out the back door and see m...

This past weekend, I took my kiddies on a nature walk at the National Wildlife Center .  We had not been in a while, and I decided to take them to see what interesting things occurs in nature following a rainfall.  The day was sunny, early and slightly hot...nonetheless, perfect.  We walked over a bridge, which was absent of water lilies or pads, and took note of the rise in the water level.  The gravel road seemed washed and remnants of a silt water path was still visible.  Eagerly, we walked to the trail that led into the trees. Along the woodland trail, we heard geese, seen herons, spiders and different types of mushrooms.  We continued to walk along the lake, as mosquitoes danced on us without biting, and everything seemed alive and wet.  When we turned around, Ari began to run ahead, and continued to pick up various sticks, until I noticed how one stick didn't seem too familiar up ahead.  As I yelled for her to stop, I looked at t...

I don't want to seem insensitive, but really...everywhere you turn nothing seems positive.  Even the neighbor who chased a man down, that kidnapped a little girl, has left the news stream, and now all you see is plastic..I mean plastered entertainment news of Kim Kardashian's wedding.  Which no one gives a damn about.  I'm not even interested in how they found a dress to fit her ass, because she's not the only one with a badunkadunk. Also, just today, I somehow stumbled upon a link that shows a slight concern of China's military buildup.  Should we be the only ones fortified in force, in the world?  I realize the greater threat of a country being an equal threat to our military, but I did find a slight humor in our government's cunning smile and politely saying, " Watch yourself...".   Needless to say, I was searching all over the world today for some happy teary eyed news, and didn't find anything.  I even though it would be humorous to see Bear...

Sometimes you do all you can do to, in an attempt to create a healthy environment.  However, no matter what the elements are, you try hard as hell to create something that just cannot be, for that moment in time.  Internally, you try to rationalize what you may be doing wrong and end up overdoing everything right, not realizing that you are not the issue. For months, weeks, and days, I have wanted to have a conversation with a certain someone.  I wanted to let him know the dungeon he created, in which we lived in; and how I waited patiently for him unlock the doors, and allow us access to the rest of the castle.  Unfortunately, I recently realized that it would not be worth while.  For me, it will most likely open old wounds, and for him an unrecollected dubious past.  Denying the obvious facts of being a functional alcoholic. Either way, I accept my life for what it was, and I neither have any ill will nor malcontent; but best wishes.  Life d...

While sipping my cocktail and checking my various dating websites; I can't but help notice how they suck.  Why do I have to pay to see who viewed my profile?  Why do I have to pay to check my messages?  Where does the money go?  Unlike my childcare website, you pay for membership fees and access to a gigantic database of babysitters, child care and Au pair information; as well as the ability to view background checks, references, and reviews.  However, on dating websites, there aren't STD reports, background checks, or discounts to restaurants (good idea!).  So why isn't it a free service like...hmmm, social websites? In retrospect, trying the whole dating thing sucks.  I don't go out, and I easily loose interest in looking...and it's only been a couple of days!  Also, I don't know if I have the capabilities of dating a civilian.  I have yet to date anyone outside the military.  Officially, I have not dated since...'06.  Therefore,...

For weeks it lived under the flap of short small box, within a woven web.  The box itself sat on the floor not more than four feet from the right of my bed; which too lied on the floor, absent from a box spring.  Day in and night out, I glared at it's long legs and oblong torso, questioning it's existence and placement.  Silently telling it, that the end is near. Upon arriving home everyday from work, I checked to see if it's migratory instincts had taken affect, only to find it steadfast and loyal to its new found home.  Finally, the day of days had arrived, and I glanced at the spider before heading out for the day.  This is it. Back at home, I grabbed the broom and prepared my well thought out plan, only to find that the course of life had carried out it's deed.  For there it lay, on it's back...and legs bent in their finality.  Guilt arose from the days of contemplation, and I was saddened by the death of an unlikely friend.

Non discriminatory, non forgiving and encompassing all, is death.  Memento Mori, is the Latin phrase meaning to "Remember your mortality", and can bring a certain perspective to life, and your current frame of mind. As a child, I use to hyperventilate and cry uncontrollably to myself on thoughts of death.  It only worsened when I was taught "The Book of Revelations".  From then on, my idea was to live a reclusive life, and not involve myself with a familial status (and pray to God, I died before the end of the world).  All in hopes to escape the grim reality of death touching loved ones.  Perhaps it was then people became oblivious to me.   Never had I went in search for friends or relationships, but always allowed whatever to happen  non discriminatory.  How is my reclusive life going?  Single divorcee, enjoying her two weeks of freedom. Since my teenage years, I grew a new perspective on death.  When I began ...

Beneath the ground from which we lay,  objectified by people who have gone astray. It wasn't us who wronged you, or stained your life but it was us, who ultimately paid the price. If I could I would, wrap my arms around you, and give you a big bear hug, or hold your face within my hands, and tell you you are loved. We're all here together within this circle of life, gaining our foot in freedom, enduring our own personal strife Perhaps our goal was to help you see, what you failed to see, that what bothers you, may also have an adverse effect on me. However our lives have crossed into this travesty, there is no denying that you still objectified another human being.

So, China finished building their 26.4 mile long bridge called Jiaozhou Bay Bridge in Qingdao, China .   Not only can I not pronounce that, but I could not see myself driving over it...maybe with a parachute, and life vest.  I tingle just driving over the Annapolis Bay Bridge, and to see this shiver me timbers !  I wonder who the first driver was?  As usual the U.K., has a plethora of unbiased information (which is why I love them!), but you can read all about the bridge and view some awesome pictures at Mail Online .  Anywho, I was trolling the Internet and came across the bridge while drinking my Soju and orange juice, and had to share this pivotal historic moment.  We are living in such interesting times, that there is no reason to exaggerate anything, because it's all just bizarre.  Well, back to my concoction I go :)

When is the time to reinvent yourself, once you have been known for something before or in early adulthood?  For instance, if you were given a nickname during infancy, and it's carried on throughout most of your life; when is it time to say, "Okay that's it I'm done...call me Tina Thomas not TT!  What about when you are known for dressing a certain way, or enjoying a certain color? At what point do you stop collecting collectibles?  Is it different if you are an entertainer?  When does it go from cute to obsessive? Normally, when people like to collect items or dress a certain way, they end up on shows like Clean House or How Do I Look?  However, I do realize that there are some that have an underlying issue as well.  Nonetheless, is it for others to care about?  My mom has a doll collection that started way before me, and I'm always trying to find ways to secretly sell/donate them.  However, they do not impede her life in any way.  Also, I...

A week ago I received the keys to an apartment I have transferred to.  It took me four days to move everything from the old to the new.  I did have a beast of a friend who helped me out the first day (Friday) with my furniture, but for some reason it took three days for me to move the rest of my junk ten feet (the distance to my current apartment).  By the car load I transferred stuff, and it did not seem to make a difference.  In fact, I still have non perishable items in my car!  I just shift it around, to make way for the kiddies :)  However, back to the grueling past weekend.  Back and forth I drove and walked with arm loads and car loads of crap.  I wore flip flops, which were heard from 7 am to 11 pm, and bore the brunt of flat dry feet, that could have been mistaken for the soles of Frodo Baggins. On Saturday, somewhere during the upright state of the sun, and hottest part of the day, my daughter asks from the coolness of t...

Every morning on my way to work, I pass by a dog park.  Within the area itself, everyone is very active with running, walking, and chatting with other dog owners as their pups played...just their way of beginning their day.  Flash forward to three/four hours later, and the dog park is transformed to a kiddie playground.  Not big kids, but babies and toddlers.  Am I the only one grossed out about this? Just this weekend, I wanted to rant as to why I should not have to pick up doggie poo (I do not own a dog for this very reason), and here in front of me are two worlds colliding.  I wonder if the stay at homes moms, nannies and au pairs know of the transformation.  Is that even sanitary?  I'd like to see the area's hand foot and mouth disease statistics, I hope they aren't staggering.  Is the community as a whole okay with this?  Why not build a playground area for the kids?  Of course I'm disturbed, because I know that not all of the own...

We are such emotional beings...some on a greater scale than others.  Amazing it is to know how something can crash a peaceful world, and cause a complete change in our demeanor.  In a tumultuous fashion, I watched two wonderful movies this weekend out of order, both vying for complete separate worlds. First off, I took my kiddies to see 'Kung Fu Panda 2'.  It was so adorable, and graphically appealing, with a powerful message of inner peace.  Acknowledging and accepting your fate/destiny, and the here and now.  I will definitely purchase the movie when it comes out, and subliminally play it on their "bad" days.  However, I learned  while sitting there in that theater along with my children, that I am at peace.  Of course I get thrown off sometimes, but it never last long.  I understand that nothing is permanent, and to not waste energy or time on foolishness. Needless to say, I had went outside of my romance and co...

Has your child ever embarrassed you to the point of questionable parenting?  Or, have they caused you to do a flashback of all lessons learned?  Well, today was my day. During the week I'm weary of shopping with my kids.  Sometimes they are just really active, and I don't have the patience, especially after an hour drive in traffic from work.  However, today I just wanted adventure, and to let them guess what our dessert was going to be (root beer float...yummmm), so I took them along.  After we get our supplies and are checking out, my youngest asks the cashier, "Why do you look like a vampire with no teeth?"  I was utterly humiliated, and swiftly popped her on the forehead.  Amazingly, the lady told my tactless child that she should take care of her teeth, and to not have them like hers.... but I didn't see anything wrong with the lady's teeth!   Dazed, humiliated, and embarrassed, I whisked us out of the store...thanking the la...

America at times reminds me of a bipolar teenager.  Current idiocy is the bickering over a video, from which an incident occurred, causing a bad reaction, by a remorseful person.  When I first heard Rihanna's "Man Down", I couldn't help but "listen" to the lyrics, and notice how powerful the song is.  In fact, I was interested to see how the video would be made, to convey the words to the song.  When I finally watched it, I though it was a great video that detailed the day of a bright haired young lady in Jamaica, and the life changing events that follow. The video wasn't masochistic, or showcasing a good life induced with drugs and alcohol, or bragging about riches soon to be depleted.  No, this video was about a reaction to an assault.  Of all the things going on in our nation, this is what some parents chose to choose a fight with...not to mention it's on an entertainment channel, on a cable network.  The same people who probably frown upon a...

This morning, I was listening to a segment on the Kane Show , called Closure Calls.  A lady called to see why the guy she was interested in, suddenly stopped talking to her.  After a long hesitation on the guy's part, it was found out that they were related...2nd cousins to be exact.  After he posted some pictures on his Facebook, an Aunt of his recognized her, and told him of the relation, and they were soon grossed out together. That closure call went well, compared to others I have heard (creepy guy driving his 1st date around his ex wife's cul de sac...numerous times in a row...same night).  However, I was thinking how great it was to get people together to see what the turn off was.  Before we departed, my ex husband and I had a closure conversation.  Without telling him that he was an idiot, I just told him that we were not compatible.  Therapy, brain surgery, and a new personality just wasn't going to help the marriage. Without anger, or emo...

I'm a romantic that has never been swept off my feet.  One day in the bathroom, I asked myself, "Where does your romanticism come from?"  Immediately, I flashed back to the 3rd grader reading romance novels in the bathroom, in the middle of the night.  I assumed real men like those within the novels existed.  But now at 30, I realize that they were made up.  Which explained the romance novel boom around that time.  It was like a brochure.  Are you not happy in love?  Read and escape to a fantasy world that will never amount to what you may encounter!  It's like hitting the lottery.  However, I'm so damn optimistic that I believe in it, still. Perhaps my love may not happen like the romance novels, but I think it can be found in everyday occurrences.  Sure I can't give my love away, the way I want; but I have learned how to spread it around evenly to those I meet.  My children of course receive the most, and I nurtur...

Even after my 6 years of service, I always wonder who did I encounter that may have left to never return. Many times, I have attempted to scan all those who died, just to see if I can recognize a face, name, smile or stoic expression. How can we not just take a moment to reflect on someone who was born and raised, and then volunteer their life for a global community, for a global cause to render peace and freedom...later on having their life extinguished. When you're in, there isn't a question of why you're doing what you're doing, you just know that it needs to be done. Rest in Peace for all of those who made the ultimate sacrifice.